Mamafession: Favoritism

No matter what your mom… or every other mom you meet says, favoritism does exist!! It’s just we don’t want our kids to know. And I think other moms don’t want to admit it because they don’t want to be regarded as bad moms. Our moms won’t admit it (even if you ask them directly) because they don’t want to reveal that they’ve been lying to us all our life. But I’m a mom now and I confess: I favor Oullie over Mimi.

Don’t get me wrong. I still love Mimi to bits and would lay my life on the line for her… but quite honestly as any mom of two will tell you, when she’s endangering her brother’s life or causing him pain, I really have to restrain myself from lashing out at her.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s the younger one.. or if it’s because he’s the boy… or if it’s because he might be my last… but the way I love him is indescribably overwhelming!! I hug him and kiss him all the time (even more when he fights me off)! I love smelling him (the nap of his neck) at every opportunity.

In a way this has made me come to terms with being the ‘black sheep’ of my family. As my dad once said, “You favor the youngest till they grow (but the youngest will always be the youngest.. and hence she will ALWAYS be favored above us all!)… the sick one until s/he recovers (and unfortunately I have a chronically ill sister whom will always be favored by all of us)… and the one traveling till s/he returns (my bro has been overseas for the past 10 years… which trumps my 5 and I go home much more often in a year than he has in the past 10)” So in a nut shell, favoritism does exist we just do such a horrible job trying to hide it and deny it. Trust me, kids can see right through our lies of, “I love you all equally!”

UPDATE (16/3): We should be honest with our children and tell them that we love them differently. I love Mimi for her ability to express herself so amazingly… for speaking at an early age and not having stopped since (sometimes she outdoes me!)… for the Knock-knock jokes she’s become so keen on telling… for the future shopping sprees we will have… the future beauty salon visits… the future close friend I will find in her.

I love Oullie for his extra super duper cuteness… his ability to make me melt with that smile… the hugs…. the energy that drives me crazy yet makes me laugh all at once… for the future man he will be and the crazy errands I’ll have him running. :)

Maybe Hubby is right, we should stop at 2 kids so he can continue to tell Mimi she’s his favorite girl… and Oullie that he’s his favorite boy! :)

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  • Babble says:

    It’s normal, I KNOW already, my second isn’t even born yet but if he/she hurts Khalid in any way, hmmmm…yeah…I’m favoritism’ing’ already and I haven’t even delivered the second…don’t worry, it doesn’t make you a bad mother :P

  • Aloosh says:

    I love this post.. we were talking about this few days ago.. My Mom & Dad favour our little sister among the 6 of us . I guess she being born when most of us were grownups had to do with the favorisim thing :-)
    Me being a Mom of one can’t imagine I might love or favour anyone else on earth.. :P

    • Subway Mom says:

      Little sisters will be favored for life!!
      As for favoring someone other than your angel… wait till you have two. However, it might be different in your case since you have a boy (you and Babble have me beat with that one). You both already have your favorite ;)
      Come to think of it, Oullie has double-favoritism… He’s the youngest and he’s the boy!! Jackpot for him!! :D

  • Kk says:

    Perfectly normal from a mom, boys will always be prefered. I know from experience. My sis only trumps me when she is back home, she has been away since 1985, and comes home only once a year. Otherwise, i am the favorite.
    Trust me it gets worse when Oulie will grow up and starts dating, u will hate his dates, his gfs, his fiance, his wife…
    There is a tale about this: a guy brings home 3 girls to meet his mom, he already told her that one of them is the One. After the 3 girls leave, he asks his mom, so which one is the One, she picks right, he asks her how did u find out? His mom replies she is the one i hated the most!

    • Subway Mom says:

      HAHAHAHA… Your honesty is just too much. I doubt there are many guys who would admit to being favored. Btw, I looove your 3 girls story. Though with the hating his fiance… wife… I hope I won’t cause that would mean he didn’t pick right. 7amdella the examples I have of Mother-in-Laws and Daughters-in-Law are pretty good. I hope my relationship with my future DIL will be like the one I have with my MIL. :)

  • Iman says:

    hey. came across this today and remembered your post so thought i’d share it:
    also, ya, children can tell when parents prefer another child, i never told my parents that but i always knew i was never the favorite or even the second favorite, never thought that being the only daughter (with three) brothers did not help. I knew about the sick child (one of the my brothers grew up suffering from asthma and allergies and had to be taken to the hospital very frequently), the youngest child (my youngest brother was born 5 years after i was born, so my mom always felt that we were too grown-up for him, and the eldest boy is well the eldest boy, he is the one pampered most by the grandparents and the uncles…

    • Subway Mom says:

      Oh, Iman. You drive my point home even further. :) This has prompted me to add a bit of an update to my post.. check it out. :)

      And thanx for sharing that link. It’s good to know that I’m not the only mom who confesses to this unspoken feeling. ;)


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